Everything I Needed To Know About ADHD Entrepreneurship I Learned Through Pole Dancing
Being an entrepreneur with ADHD is not easy, to say the least. Being an entrepreneur in general is hard enough. When you throw in the unique challenges that come with ADHD, it can feel like an impossible task.
But what if I told you that there is a surprisingly helpful tool out there that has taught me some valuable lessons about entrepreneurship with ADHD?
That tool is pole dancing.
Yes, you read that right – pole dancing.
As an ADHDish entrepreneur, I’ve found pole dancing to be not only super fun but also relevant- literally and metaphorically. And through my experiences on the pole, I’ve learned some important lessons about being an entrepreneur with ADHD.
Now, to be clear, I’m not necessarily encouraging everyone to try pole dancing. I AM encouraging you to take the lessons I’ve learned and apply them to your life. (But if you also want to give the old pole a try, go for it)!
Here are some of the key things I’ve learned.
Don’t Indulge In Negative and Unfair Self-Judgment
With pole dancing, as with any sport or art form, there can be a temptation to judge oneself harshly. I could look at all my shortcomings and ways that I need to improve. I see that I’m not as good as I want to be. And I judge myself, thinking that I should be better, stronger, more advanced by this point.
But here’s the thing about self-judgment. It may feel noble, in a sort of martyr-ish way, but it’s really just an addictive avoidance tactic. When I feel bad for myself, I don’t have to show up and try as hard. I can skip days if I don’t feel like doing the work. I can hold back on giving it my all. I’m afraid of failure, so I make sure to set the bar low enough that I can easily clear it.
This same temptation exists for the entrepreneur with ADHD. I can look at what I’ve accomplished in my business so far and feel like I should be much farther along.
If I really, truly want to grow and improve as both a pole dancer and entrepreneur, then self-judgment is literally the opposite of what you want. It’s counterproductive. I need to do the real hard work of being kind to myself and continuing to practice my craft. I can and should acknowledge areas where I need improvement, but I shouldn’t beat myself up over them. Instead, I need to remember that growth is a process and even small victories are worth celebrating.
How You Measure Success May (Will!) Differ From Others
My goal with pole dancing is to have fun. That’s it. This goal is my goal and mine alone.
There are other pole dancers who have completely different goals. There’s no point comparing my pole experience to theirs. My metric (have fun) and their metrics (compete, win prizes, etc.) are totally different. I have different metrics of success and I need to measure my success by those metrics, not someone else’s.
In business, you can have many different goals and metrics. Unless you’re trying to build a company that will go public, your goals are probably more personal.
Most of my clients are multi 6-7 figure entrepreneurs and have goals like:
- Support myself and my family
- Pay my team members well
- Have fun and feel satisfied working
- Have plenty of time to pursue hobbies and personal development
- Be a better parent/spouse.
Once you hit the multi-7-figure mark the goals typically become more standardized, like hitting your goals quarterly, lowering your cost of acquisition, etc. but there can still be a range, and the goals are really what shape the nature of the business.
As an ADHDish entrepreneur, you’ll face the same temptation. You’re going to feel like you should match yourself up to other entrepreneurs. But this just doesn’t work. You need to be firm on your metrics of success and measure yourself by those metrics. Not by someone else’s goals, aspirations, or desires.
So what are your goals? Are you laser-focused on those goals or are you trying to accomplish some other person or business’s goals? Know the metrics that matter to you and measure your success based on those metrics alone.
Fear Of Judgement Will Eat You Alive So Do Your Thing
Both pole dancing and entrepreneurship require putting yourself out there. With pole dancing, I’m trying to accomplish certain moves and positions that my body doesn’t naturally like.
I’m not going to nail these moves on the first or second try. There will be missteps along the way. Sometimes I really struggle to get something right.
But if I’m going to succeed, I have to put myself out there without any fear of judgment. Fear will eat me alive and keep me from doing what I love.
The same goes for the entrepreneur. You have to follow your passion without fear of what others will think. You need to throw yourself into your dreams without fear of judgment. Because if you’re worried about what others think, you’ll never achieve all that’s possible.
Here’s the honest truth. Nobody really cares what you’re doing! And if they do care…who cares? Not you. You’ve got bigger and more important things to think about than the opinions of others. You have passions to follow and dreams to build. Don’t let the small-minded judgments of others keep you from doing something amazing.
Your Words Matter
There’s an unhelpful practice in pole dancing to call your non-dominant side (the left side for most people) your “bad side.” This is because your non-dominant side is usually not quite as skilled or as strong as your dominant side.
But I don’t like saying my “bad side”. It implies that there’s part of me that’s not good, amazing, fantastic. If I refer to my “bad side” I am telling myself that the non-dominant side of me is sub-par. And this just isn’t true! Even though it’s not as skilled or strong, my non-dominant side is still amazing.
So I call it my “beautiful side”. Referring to it this way keeps me in the right headspace and helps me view myself the way I should.
The point is your words matter. You speak on average somewhere between 6,000 – 16,000 words per day. How do you speak about yourself? Do you speak poorly of your ADHD tendencies? It’s time for that to stop. The ADHD side of you is not your “bad side”. It’s a beautiful part of you that makes you who you are. It allows you to think in ways and do things that those without ADHD simply can’t.
Instead of speaking poorly about your ADHD, speak about it like it’s your entrepreneurial superpower. Because it is.
Everyone Is Different So Don’t Compare and Despair
Coming back to pole dancing after a 7.5 year hiatus has been fascinating. Most of the people I’m training with are 10-15 years younger than me. Few of them are parents and even fewer are entrepreneurs. It’s incredible to see how quickly some people get good at pole dancing these days.
I could compare myself to others and despair that I’m not able to do some of the things they can. Or I could remind myself that some of the things that they find difficult or scary are easy for me (like a straight-legged layback).
Theodore Roosevelt famously said that comparison is the thief of joy. It’s also a source of much despair. So I don’t compare myself to others. Rather, I focus on myself, my strengths, and how I can continue to grow.
If you’re an entrepreneur with ADHD, it’s especially important not to play the comparison game. You’re wired differently than many people. You have your own unique strengths that are very different than other people. Don’t focus on what you lack compared to other people. Instead, focus on your strengths that set you apart and make you uniquely you.
The Real Flex Is In Appreciating Yourself and Giving Yourself Credit
My body is similar but different than it was after giving birth twice. My first son weighed 10 pounds 7 ounces (4.73 kg)! I’m also 10+ years older and haven’t exercised in about 8 years. But I’m doing it now and that’s what matters. I’m showing up to work on pole dancing even when I don’t feel like it. I give myself credit for that and appreciate the effort that I’m putting into it.
The art of giving yourself credit and appreciating yourself is a skill that will save you. It will keep you from feeling discouraged about your progress. It will help you not to feel underappreciated.
As an entrepreneur, showing up and giving it your all is everything. You’ve put aside all distractions, silenced your inner critic, and decided to go for it. Give yourself credit for doing that.
Just keep showing up, and appreciate your “showupness” no matter what.
Frequency Matters More Than Quality/Duration
If you want to really grow and become stronger, it’s essential that you show up a lot. It’s better to show up more frequently for a shorter period of time than to show up every now and then for long sessions.
Five days a week for 1 – 2 hours per day is going to be more effective than two days a week for 2.5 hours per day. Repeated exposure in different physical and emotional states will greatly enhance your learning and resilience.
There will be some days when you just don’t have it. There are times when, no matter what grip I use, I can’t stick to the pole. But I don’t let that keep me from showing up the next day.
On those days when you don’t feel like you have the energy, show up. When you feel like you have nothing to give to your clients/business, be there anyway. Even if you can only focus for a short period of time. Even if you don’t think you’re making any progress.
The very act of showing up repeatedly will help you grow immensely.
The Real Work Is In The Surrender
Have you ever been stretching and really felt the stretch? The tightness. The pulling. The discomfort. And then you truly relax your body, and the stretch gets so much deeper and more intense. That’s the power of surrender.
The real work is in the surrender. You put yourself in the situation you want. You do the work to get what you want. But ultimately, you let go of controlling how things go. When you do this, wow! You tap into an entirely new level of possibility.
When it comes to ADHD and entrepreneurship, letting go of control is just as important. Yes, you do all the hard work required to build things to where you want them to be. But you surrender in terms of the outcome. It takes courage to surrender. It can feel scary. In the case of stretching, it can literally hurt. But it’s worth the pain.
Don’t try to force things. Don’t try to control every aspect. Instead, trust in the process and allow things to unfold as they are meant to be.
Get A Mentor
Being an entrepreneur can be lonely work. The long hours. The stress. The feeling that you could be doing better. If you’re not intentional, it’s easy to become an isolated entrepreneur.
You need a mentor.
You need someone who has walked the path you’re currently walking. Someone you can bounce ideas off of. Someone who can offer insights and encouragement when things get tough.
A mentor can hold you accountable when you don’t feel like showing up. They can help you avoid common mistakes. They can provide much-needed perspective when you feel like you’re in over your head.
Plus, having a mentor means you don’t have to figure out everything yourself. You have a passionate supporter who has already experienced the ups and downs that come with entrepreneurship.
Ideally, your mentor should understand how ADHD and entrepreneurship work together. They should be able to help you tap into your singular strengths and minimize your weaknesses.
Finding a mentor isn’t necessarily going to be easy, but it’s definitely worth the effort. Reach out to friends and those in your network who may know someone with experience in your field. And don’t be afraid to ask for help or advice from successful business owners. Many are more than willing to share their knowledge and experiences.
Being A Successful ADHD Entrepreneur
ADHD can be your superpower when it comes to being an entrepreneur. You have unique abilities most people don’t. You can think outside the box, hyperfocus on tasks, and come up with innovative ideas. You have the ability to see patterns and make connections that others may miss.
Don’t be afraid to embrace your ADHD and use it to your advantage.
Obviously, you don’t need to take up pole dancing to be a successful entrepreneur with ADHD. But don’t miss the lessons that pole dancing has taught me.
Keep pursuing your passions and desires without giving thought to what others think. Keep showing up, day after day. Speak about yourself and your ADHD in positive, affirming ways.
